I dressed up and I went to have fun,
I didn’t know that one night would change me forever.
I drank like I always did,
I was having a good time.
I didn’t want to leave,
I wanted to take in the party.
I chugged my vodka.
I wasn’t thinking straight.
I could barely walk straight but, you still lead me the way.
I instantly felt my stomach drop,
I wondered why none of my friends had stop me from following.
I hunched into the car seat, as my head spun like a tilt-a-whirl.
I resist your needy hands as you tried to make me do dirty things as we drove,
I felt sick.
I made you stop the car,
I carelessly through my body on to the ground as I dry heaved until there was nothing.
I didn’t even notice that my phone fell onto the ground below me.
I didn’t remember the drive there, just the car jolting to a stop.
I felt you boost me up into the house door, as the deck was not there.
I remember you just left me there, with two men with hungry eyes.
I sat on the bed, where I then flew onto the floor in a dry heave,
I was so intoxicated,
I peed my pants on the floor, but you all failed to notice my state.
I remember the bits of Finding Nemo playing on the TV with a distorted sound.
I don’t remember what happened then, until it was too late.
I felt you on me, my pants stripped away.
I can still recall the overwhelming terror which raced inside me,
I went numb.
I tried to move away, but I was too disoriented and scared.
I didn’t want you to hurt me, but it was too late.
I hated when your lips touched my skin, you imprinted a curse on my body.
I felt you have your way we my motionless body,
I tried to speak but I couldn’t make the words come out,
I couldn’t make my body move in the other direction.
I was filled with relief as you finally moved away from me.
I blacked out, again.
I awoke, still in terror, calling for the other man.
I thought he was my friend.
I was wrong.
I called for you, I wanted you to make me feel safe. You redressed me, but then you instantly took your turn.
I felt betrayed, scared and disorientated.
I still, to this day can’t remember why you chose me.
But yet, I still think about it daily.
I am forever haunted by your three faces and your decisions as a group.
I lost my security, trust and innocence.
I chose to hide because you turned it into a joke.
I was humiliated and blamed.
I was helpless, so I let you win.
I hope you take to the grave what you did to me.
I hope you are haunted in your sleep like I am.
I hope to god, someday I will get my justice and you will get your punishment.
I am a survivor.
I will tell my story.