I.

I dressed up and I went to have fun,

I didn’t know that one night would change me forever.

I drank like I always did,

I was having a good time.

I didn’t want to leave, 

I wanted to take in the party.

I chugged my vodka. 

I wasn’t thinking straight.

I could barely walk straight but, you still lead me the way.

I instantly felt my stomach drop,

I wondered why none of my friends had stop me from following.

I hunched into the car seat, as my head spun like a tilt-a-whirl.

I resist your needy hands as you tried to make me do dirty things as we drove,

I felt sick.

I made you stop the car,

I carelessly through my body on to the ground as I dry heaved until there was nothing.

I didn’t even notice that my phone fell onto the ground below me.

I didn’t remember the drive there, just the car jolting to a stop.

I felt you boost me up into the house door, as the deck was not there.

I remember you just left me there, with two men with hungry eyes.

I sat on the bed, where I then flew onto the floor in a dry heave,

I was so intoxicated,

I peed my pants on the floor, but you all failed to notice my state.

I remember the bits of Finding Nemo playing on the TV with a distorted sound.

I don’t remember what happened then, until it was too late.

I felt you on me, my pants stripped away.

I can still recall the overwhelming terror which raced inside me, 

I went numb. 

I tried to move away, but I was too disoriented and scared.

I didn’t want you to hurt me, but it was too late.

I hated when your lips touched my skin, you imprinted a curse on my body.

I felt you have your way we my motionless body, 

I tried to speak but I couldn’t make the words come out,

I couldn’t make my body move in the other direction.

I was filled with relief as you finally moved away from me.

I blacked out, again.

I awoke, still in terror, calling for the other man. 

I thought he was my friend.

I was wrong.

I called for you, I wanted you to make me feel safe. You redressed me, but then you instantly took your turn.

I felt betrayed, scared and disorientated.

I still, to this day can’t remember why you chose me. 

But yet, I still think about it daily.

I am forever haunted by your three faces and your decisions as a group.

I lost my security, trust and innocence.

I chose to hide because you turned it into a joke.

I was humiliated and blamed.

I was helpless, so I let you win.

I hope you take to the grave what you did to me.

I hope you are haunted in your sleep like I am.

I hope to god, someday I will get my justice and you will get your punishment.

I am a survivor.

I will tell my story.